Reality Check moment, Revised Goal and (almost) back in the black..

Its been a tough old week so far...until today I didnt track properly (have sat and caught all that up today) and I didnt eat well at all ..  I did however exceed my normal exercise meaning that by wi on Sunday I should just about break even due to my stash of ap's ...

Really, the last 5 weeks have been tough, have had a lot going on, some difficult family stuff and other family visiting and making my normal routine difficult to keep to... its been a case of life getting in the way of my plans :-)  

As of today I am not just back on track but steaming ahead  ...  I got a serious reality check in the post today and didnt like it one bit!  Last summer my husband's aunt came to visit and for some reason she picked this week to send us some copies of the photos she took then... I guess it was meant to be... In the pile of kids pictures there are 2 of me.. and to be honest I looked like a potato with hair!!  I cannot believe my face was so round and so shapeless... I NEVER! want to look like that again so i am seriously picking up steam and moving away from that as fast as i can! 

and, on to that goal rethink .. since the last few weeks have been a bit of a bust I need to rethink my goal loss for my holiday in July .. I have 8 wi's left and know that in that amount of time I'm simply not going to be able to lose the 18lbs needed to get me to 4st off ... I need to get a win on this to feel like I have made tangible progress so I am resetting this to aiming to lose just another 11lbs by then to get me to 3.5st lost...

That might still be a bit out of reach but I am going to try my best :-)

It's turning into one of those weeks...

... you know the ones, where you get a disappointing result that knocks you off your game and tanks your motivation :-(  I have been trying to be upbeat about my 1lb loss but its just so frustrating to have been so focused, to have saved points and have a load of ap's and still get only one pound off!

I'm starting day 3 of my tracking week today and so far I havent even tracked, and I haven't eaten anything sensible in the last 2 days :-( 

At a rough guess I think that if I can start to get it together today then my ap's for the week and a few extra saved points for the next 5 days should put me in not too bad shape overall .. but I dont feel anymore motivated today than I did yesterday so not sure i'm going to get very far ...

I supposed I just have to try and get back with it and see... i really dont want to have to face a gain on Sunday!

Week 18 Weigh-in Results...Confused.. but hey it's still in the right direction..

I have lost 1lb this week ... have done a bit less exercise, and fudged my points from day to day a bit more than usual, but ended the week yesterday with 7pts still banked .. so not sure what to make of that ..

a few reasons could be the answer I guess....  I should probably have eaten some of my 21 ap's, I had a couple of really high days that might have caused hiccups and I'm on hay fever meds that make me bloat a bit...  or it could just be what I thought was happening a few weeks ago that 1lb a week is just going to be the way it will be from now on ...

anyway, whatever the reason, its still a loss, still going down and so i'll take it ..

but it means that I have spectacularly lost the first week of my challenge with Mel LOL ...but I have 3 weeks to pull it back .. watch this space! :-)

the night before...

before my WI result that is lol.. the one that decides who the winner of the first week of my challenge with Mel is ... but since Mel has lost 8lbs today (yep that's an 8!) I have already conceded defeat lol...  I have little chance of getting even half that number tomorrow .. but hey, as long as its a loss of any number i'll take it! :-))

The last few days have been a bit of a struggle, my mum has been visiting and so my routine has been a bit all over the place and eating out has been the norm.. its difficult to point that sometimes :-(  on top of that i've not managed to get the the gym at all this week and have had less pool time too so my ap's are about 10pts shy of a normal week...

oh well, the good side is that even with people staying and the odd weather and all sorts of other little odd bits this week I still feel totally in control and havent gone over points or eaten anything really silly ...  

this lark really is a week to week challenge even without a fun one to play with .. and all things considered, and no matter what my wi result tomorrow.. in the bigger picture stakes I call this week a WIN! ...

hope you had one too! xx

It's all going swimmingly...

... Sorry, just couldnt resist that one! :-)

But, it's true, the last couple of weeks have been great for me, I have made progress again after a 3 week stall (I refuse to go with the "Plateau" idea, that makes it seems like something that is entirely out of your control and I don't believe that to be true), I have my exercise routine set and am happy with it, for now, and I have been eating well and seeing the benefits in more than lost lbs.. I feel better - more energy, less slumps, sleeping better and generally on a more even keel mood wise, I smile more and I am much keener to get out there!... and look better too -  my hair, skin and nails are in way better shape.

On the exercise front the best change is that I really really want to walk more, get outside more and get to the pool or gym and do a kick-ass workout, it's become a valued part of  my daily routine and I wouldn't feel right if I didn't do it.  Those are words I didn't ever see myself saying and it feels great! lol 

I know that a lot of people my size (and hey, even a lot much smaller!) just don't have the confidence to step into a gym, or a swimming pool for fear that everyone will look at them the way you would expect a naked women to be viewed in a gay club! an oddity that just doesnt belong there!  I would be lying if i said you never get that, because we all know you do, and a lot depends on where you go...  I used to say that the council leisure centres were the best bet due to having a wide range of users of all sorts of shapes and sizes but recently I have to say I have joined the supporting ranks of the other side - the members only health club one! 

In January this year we joined one of these as a family and have truely never looked back!  Its an Esporta Club (55 of them so probably one near you!) and it aint cheap, but to me it would be a bargain at twice the price...  I feel welcome, supported and at home there...maybe its just the staff there, maybe they arent all like that, but the membership of ours is about 60% families and it's not stuffy, fuzzy or snobby in any way at all ...

Even if you think it's not for you, check your local places out, you might find a diamond in the rough too...

My Motivation Help: Pandora Bracelet and Sandals Photos ...

Some pics of my Pandora Bracelet with the 2 charms i have so far for losing 2st... and my strappy sandals that I got for reaching 35lb off :-)

Week 17 Weigh-in Result & Challenging Friends (in a good way!) ...

Woohoo!  I have been positively angelic this week (apart from the chardonnay and Woo Woo's last night but since my head still hurts we won't talk about those! lol) and am very happy to be reporting that another 2lb has bitten the dust! 

And, I now have another reason to get with it in the next few weeks :-)   I have challenges running with 2 friends ... first one has been running for 2 weeks with my friend Carole, and is for us to aim to lose 13lbs in 13 weeks - at the end of which she is coming to visit and we will put some of it back on in al-kee-haul LMAO!! So far I have ticked off 5lbs of that so its looking good :-)

the 2nd challenge will be tougher, its against my mate Mel, who posts awesome numbers on good weeks and i'm not allowed to encourage her to eat LOL..  we are going to do a head-to-head monthly count on who can lose the most ... first official wi for this is May 22nd for her and May 23rd for me..

watch this space (and if you happen to see Mel, please buy her a cake!) ...

Food = Fuel! -- By George, I think she's got it!

Well, its been an interesting week, got to 2.5st off and so got my 10%,  got a serious "Ghost of Christmas past" wake-up call via my sister-in-law and I am pretty sure I have made a major breakthrough on the issue I have with emotional eating!

This whole Food equals just fuel idea never sunk in with me, partly I think because I grew up in a house where more often than not everyone equated food with love, comfort and reward (I was that generation! lol) and not simply something you had to have in order to live! That kind of conditioning is probably 80% of my problems with eating for the wrong reasons and although I have known that for a long time I havent been able to get past it. Until now!  Over the last few weeks I have been taking a long hard look at what has triggered me eating the wrong things and/or at wrong times and a pattern has started to show that has made it so much easier to see what's going on with that in my head.

What I have finally realised this week is that I HAVE A CHOICE! Just because something is the way i've always been taught and always done it doesnt mean I have to continue on that path.. its an eye-opener for sure! so simple, yet so elusive till you get to the point where you can actually put in down in words and see clearly what you have just worked out...and that I guess is why this blog is so important to me, its giving me clarity in my head that i've never had before.

Obviously, this is something that is going to continue to trip me up on a regular basis for a long time to come, hey maybe forever, but at least i'll know a bit better why and be able to curb it sooner, leading to a bit more control for me to aid the good vibes lol

On a side note, I got my strappy sandals for getting to 35lbs and plan to give them their first outing at a Casino night we are heading to on Saturday... and I have officially gone down a shoe size into a 7 (now have 3 pairs that size) as I have lost serious weight on my feet! :-)    photos to follow in a day or so!

Quick post to Quick Links ...

Just a quick post to let you know that my Links are up and running to the other great blogs that help give me a kick in the butt when needed! 

I love to read new ones so if you would like a link to yours please feel free to leave me a comment (I love those too lol)

Hope Monday morning wasn't too stressful for ya! xx

Week 16 Weigh-in Result - Got my 10%!! ...

This has been a really GREAT week!  I ended the week last night with 34 ap's totted up and 7.5pts still banked... and the net result of that at wi this morning was a 3lb LOSS!!  Woohoo!! 

AND, that means that this week I finally got to my 10% weight loss after skirting it for 3 weeks... its so great to reach that point and know that the only way is up from this point on, I'll get thiner, fitter and healthier every week and that is not too shabby! :-))))))

WW Weather Forecast: Good with patches of Great :-)

After 3 iffy weeks I am having a really good one :-)   the semi-break last week has really helped me get re-focused and determined and I am finding this week so much easier .. I know it wont last but I am sure running with it at the moment LOL

Today is Day 5 for my tracking week and I have racked up 31 ap's from gym and swimming so far, and have 12.5 saved points banked! good times!  Going to see Iron Man 2 on Sat night and will use some of those for nachos and Ben & Jerry's GUILT FREE!  :-)

I also have a cool NSV to add this week.  Last night, and after already doing a full hour of swimming my daughter and I managed to start swimming 20 sec lengths, meaning that I have more than doubled my swimming speed since January! WOOHOO!!

One thing that has really put things into perspective this week is the fact that my sis-in-law is visiting. I last saw her in mid Feb and was shocked when she arrived this week to see that she seems to have found every pound i've lost and some extra ones! She was already a size 22 and is now 24/26 ... and she is only 4' 11" !!! Funny thing is that it's not so much the weight she has gained that shocked me, its the fact that she can't walk up a hill, or swim more than a few lengths or manage to stay awake for a whole day most days .. In short, she is now where I was 3 months ago and it's horrifiying!
I NEVER want to be that person again, never want to have to struggle to be able to just do day to day stuff and have to have afternoon naps to get through the day. Its been like watching myself, and now, with that new perspective I can really see just how bad my life truely was and it has terrified me to think that all it would take to start sliding back to that is a few weeks not caring what I eat and not bothering to go to the pool!

Its been a sobering experience, and one that I really think will give my motivation a jet-propelled boost in the future :-)

The power of other people's blogs..

...should never be underestimated ...

If you are reading this then its probably pretty safe to say that you read other blogs too.. and so you should! :-) Over the last 3 months I have read about 35 other blogs, some all the time, some just now and again and a few like a bible, and the one thing they all have in common is lots and lots of freely and genuinely
offered help! 

When you have a lot of weight to lose you can feel really isolated because you know you have so long to go. I have been feeling a bit scared about this fact over the last couple of weeks.  I have one particular great friend who is a fantastic support to me at the moment and loads of other friends that are too, but recently I have started to worry about what happens as they drop off the support list a bit when you get to where they need to be? I'n not saying that I expect them to not support me anymore because I know that a lot of them will remain a great help, but I think when they dont have to same struggles as me week on week it won't be the same ..I also worry that when I get to reporting my weight on week 312 or something lol .. that even my family are going to have lost the will to live and just not care anymore..

And, that's where the other blogs come in, Its there, 24/7 support from people you might not know but who do know exactly how you feel and, more importanly, why!  There are some great finished ones where people got to goal and you can use as a how-to manual, some amazing 'in progress' ones that you can hitch to for the next part of your journey and some new ones that give YOU the chance to be the support and help and so reinforce your own better choices ..

Whether you are having a good day or a bad one, you can find someone else out there who is having the same, or did last week and so inspires you to keep being good or has come out of that tunnel, and so can give you hope that you too will get over this latest bump and move on :-) 

These things are an amazing Circle of help and it's always going to be there :-)

Over the next few weeks I am going to put together a list of links to the words of others that help me in good and bad times ... If you would like your added please feel free to leave me a comment, and if you have some favorite reads please let me know? they might be ones I havent seen yet?

Week 15 WI, Clothing NSV and Other people's annoying attitudes (Round 2)

ok, well the scale was never going to be kind to me today, I wouldnt have deserved it to be after pretty much giving up and deciding to take a ww break for the 2nd half of the week (after already losing the plot in the first half).. 

but the good news is that it wasn't as mean as I probably deserved (thank goodness for all my new muscle picking up the slack LOL)  ..  net result was a 2lb Gain ...  Its the first time I have had a gain, and thought it would feel really bad but because I know it was earned I actually feel ok about it :-)  really! lol

I think that after 3 months of doing well (most of the time) and training like crazy for the swimathon i was just a bit blah and needed a time out! lol ... and it seems to have worked as I an starting a new tracking week today in good shape mojo wise and am determined to try and get to my 10% next sunday (will need a loss of 3lbs) which with some extra swimming and the help from having had an off week I really think i'll get :-)  wish me luck!

As for the NSV..  I hit tesco's last night for the usual boring stuff and when I got to the clothes bit I noticed an offer on t's of 2 for £6... I picked up 2 size 22's, tried them on and discovered they were too big!!  tried a few more and finally came home with an everyday one is a 20, and a new one for the gym in a size 18!! Woohoo!!  my clothes buying possibilities just got way bigger :-)))))) 

and, in other news... I posted a couple of weeks ago about the lousy attitude I got from the staff at the pool where I did my swimathon and how much it bugged me (not just for me but for what it means for everyone my size!).  I knew I would come up against it again and, here it is!     I went swimming on thursday night, and got in the pool just before the end of the aqua tone class .. we have to wait in the corner of the pool till they finish and as they were jogging round the pool a women doing the class smiled at me.. so as you do I smiled back, I wasnt sure if she was someone i had talked to before as i talk to a lot of people at the club but i'm not very good at remembering faces next time, anyway, when they came round the 2nd time she shouted to me that I should come join in next week as it was fun.. now at this point i still wasnt sure if i knew her so just said yeah it does look like fun ...when the class ended she came over to me and said - "you really should come, its for everyone, all shapes and sizes, a great place to start doing some exercise!"  WTF!!!  ... now I know that on some level she was being nice and thought she was being helpful... but what the hell right does she think she has to try and "help" me just because I am overweight??? what I said to her was along the lines of yeah, i'll look into it... but what a wanted to say would have went something like this..  listen up honey, when you get your prancing butt and your silly foam weights outta this pool I am going to swim 2.5km and would probably leave you for dust in a head to head!  It's that bloody assumption again, that the fact i am overweight must mean I couldnt walk without help and am just at the pool to float around like a dead dolphin!  Aaarrrggghhhhh!!! 

This attitude is yet another thing I sure as hell aint going to miss when I get thiner! 

Have a great weekend all! xx