Thursday, April 29, 2010

"I Don't Care!" ... except I do ...

Yesterday was a bad day (again!).  I just can't seem to get focused at the moment .. I had a good day on Tuesday and really thought i'd be able to mostly turn this week around, but yesterday I was back eating the wrong things (and too much of them) and saying that I dont care!  except, as you know too, I do care, we all do, otherwise we wouldnt be on this journey, and certainly wouldnt be spending our evenings writing and/or reading this stuff ...

I'm not even really sure why I am struggling so much, but I think a fair amount of it is due to getting bored, I am bored with eating the healthly stuff, bored with working out points taking so much of my time, bored with always having to think before I eat anything, and yes, even bored with going swimming ..  I have landed in a rut and i'm not really sure how to get out of it ... 

In my head I am still happy with the way I now look different (hell I spend a silly amounts of minutes in each day admiring my now thiner ankles and calves, and love going to bed at night, lying on my side and actually being able to feel the outline of my hip bones ... I have come a long way with changing my shape, and I love the new one .. and I know that losing 33lbs so far is not to be sneezed at... but, somehow I cant seem to get that to translate into motivation that I can use to stay on track with my food ... and I am going to be on really shaky ground if getting enough exercise starts to be as much of a struggle!

I am trying to look at the gains I have made and hope that writing them down will remind me tomorrow why I need to get back on track and improve further :

Over the last week, for the first time ever, I have actually looked forward to taking my daughter to school and walking up those hills - 3 months ago I couldnt walk even half of one way without stopping at least twice and by the time I had reached the top of the uphill bits I was gasping for breath, sweating hugely and even coughing and retching - it really was that bad! and I am talking here about a walk that without stopping only takes about 12 minutes total there and back! I used to get inside my house and have to sit gasping like a fish out of water for about 3 minutes before I even had enough air to take a drink, it was truely horrific! --- now, I can walk the whole way there and back without getting out of breath, without breaking a sweat and I really love the feeling of using my leg muscles on the up bits, the feeling of being stronger is amazing and I get home feeling awake and invigorated, instead of stressed and on the verge of collapse. I am terrified about ever getting like that again, but I still cant seem to stop myself eating... I am so stressed by this at the moment and so unsure about what happens next! :-((((

In 12 weeks I went from being able to swim just 200m (with at least a 30 second break after each 25m length!) to swimming over 2km at least 3 times a week (doing sets of about 800m-900m without a rest break of more than 10/15 seconds) ... That is huge in any reality, and even bigger in mine!  But as I said I'm getting bored, and as much as I hate to have to consider this I think I am going to have to finally start spending more time in the gym and set myself some new challenges around that.

Even on bad days my attitude towards food is vastly improved ..  I give a lot more thought to whether something is worth the points before I decide to eat it.  I also finally worked out that I dont need to finish eating a whole bit of something like cake or chocolate , all I really want is a couple of bites to get the taste and then I can take it or leave it.. this one was a real eye-opener for me and has helped a lot ..

anyway, I am going to end this post here and hope for a better day today! ..  wish me luck! x

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Bad start, worse after and how a Jet-Wash saved the day!

Its been a funny ole week so far .. I started a new pointing week on Sunday and fell at the first hurdle, and I didn't make it back up until today! ... Kit Kat Hell grabbed me again and was compounded by an unexpected trip to Frankie & Benny's - I really cant be sure how many points I am in the red, but I think its somewhere in the 50+ region! For the first time since I started this,  I just couldn't seem to get myself to care and ordered what I wanted to eat then and there instead of what I thought I should be having.

It's doubful that I will be able to balance out this week - But I still won't do the worst kind of "Draw a line" and write it off.. the irritation factor of that phase for me just never seems to get any less! -

Now I know that different people use this in different ways (I have been giving this a fair amount of thought lately after talking about it before) and that some are a lot better than others... If you use this as a tool to try and accept that you can't make the week balance without making yourself totally miserable and accept that you aren't going to try and aim for a totally in points week, but are just going to try your best to claim back as many as you can in a sensible way... then great! Go You!  ... Its the other attitude that bugs the hell out of me.. the one where this phase is seen as a Get out of Jail Free Card, to be used time and time again as permission to ignore the reality of the situation you find yourself in and just start fresh with no regard to what you have done or how you got there in the first place!  No matter how long I think about it, I'm never going to understand that kind of self-delusion.

My plan is simple enough - to try and save some points each day and balance this week out as best I can without making myself totally depressed - and I plan to get in an extra night of swimming which will net me an extra 8, much needed, ap's for the week. Now some may see that as me Drawing that line I hate! and in a way it might just be - but it's also me accepting that I'm human, that I fall down, that I fail to do what I set out to do sometimes, but that I am taking responsibility for those failures and doing what I can to recify them, while still not making myself feel like a bigger failure for not being able to make it all end perfectly ..  That sounds resonable to me, what do you think?

And, on to that Jet-Wash I am sure you are all wondering about ...  well, this morning I woke up still wanting to eat the wrong things, and knew that I so didnt want to do that for a 3rd day in a row. I needed to get out of the house, find a distraction that meant using my body to remind myself that I could do that so much better with the weight I am down already and to help me remember how much more I will be able to do soon if I can stay on the right path ..  but I didnt have a lot of time, and couldnt go far .. so in a moment of inspiration I though I'd go wash the car..  cleaning anything always helps me clear out my head, and the phyical act of scrubbing and hosing the dirt off gave my arms a great work-out.. and the huge sence of satisfaction I got from seeing my car all clean and sparkly put me in such a great mood that overeating just wasnt on the cards anymore! 

give it a go.. it works!  xx

Monday, April 26, 2010

Week 14 Weigh-in Results...

Well, I can at least report a loss again this week after last week's STS ...
1lb off.. making for a total of 33lbs :-) 

This means that I am looking at another week before I get to that elusive 10%.. My body is determined to hang on to that .. i'll at least give it 11 out of 10 for effort LMAO!!

This means that I have 12 WI's left before my holiday and still have 23lbs left to lose to reach my summer mini goal - as it seems my weight loss has finally slowed down I doubt that I will make that in time for my holiday.  I'll give it my best shot and admit that I will be disapointed if I don't make it, but at the same time even if I don't get to the 4st off mark I will still have made a pretty serious dent in the numbers which is great!

I am not measuring my success on the whims of the scales alone, I am much fitter, stronger and happier and those are the real victories!

Saturday, April 24, 2010

A Positive Note for the Weekend ...

I know that a lot of you guys out there in blog land have the same issues as me when it comes to being able to see yourself in a positive light ... so here's a little Q&A to help ... this was emailed to me by a friend who has lost 130lbs in 19 months (GO Libby!!) and says that it really helped her focus on where she was at and the progress she had already made rather than the long way she still had to go (she answered these questions when she had lost about 55lbs).
So here are the questions and my answers... 
I would really love to hear yours too???


The "I LOVE ME" List
1. What do you absolutely love about your body? I love the color of my eyes (Hazel but with more green than brown. I love having Red Hair and  I also love my nose.

2. When did you surprise yourself with your physical strength? This happened today when I discovered that I can easily lift boxes in my garage that 3 month ago I would have had to drag and even that would have been a challenge. And, last weekend I swam 2.5km just 12 weeks after not even being able to manage 200m and the surprise was the fact that I barely stopped during that swim and did it all breast stroke, it showed me how far I have come in my fitness progress.

3. When were you braver than you ever thought you could be? When my husband and I took on first one, and then a 2nd abused child with all the problems that came with that and set ourselves a challenge that will last for the rest of our lives.. We always downplay this, but its true when people tell us that most people wouldnt do this and we should be so proud of ourselves!

4. When did your self-control blow you away? My last few times at the cinema .. for the old me cinema = loads of Ben & Jerry's ice-cream and nachos with cheese sauce (and sometimes a hot dog as well).  The new me walks up the stairs (instead of the escalator) past all that and sits down with a bottle of water and some raisins or other low point snack :-)))

5. What is your proudest moment ever? The day last year when I found out my daughter had been offered a place at all 5 of the Universities she had applied to (Emma, you rock and are going to go a long way!)

6. Why do you deserve to meet your goals? Because I’m getting out there and doing it this time.. I am putting in the blood, sweat and tears (and i really mean all 3! LOL) every day and I will get there this time!

Now its your turn!

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Swimathon postmortem, with a side of chocolate chips ...

Or the road to hell is NOT paved with gold! well not unless its gold foil wrapped choc chip cookies!

Over the last half dozen weeks I have woken up most mornings with some swimming related thought in my head, and so now that the swimathon is over I feel a little lost - and the down side of that is that I am finding it harder and harder not to fill that hole with the aforementioned cookies :-(  I have been doing well with my eating since Saturday night but have gone off the rails a little today with those blasted cookies and will be ending today at 5pts over!

Its not such a bad result, as I will be able to ease back into the black over the next few days, but it is really frustrating to be on week 14, have seen so many great changes in myself, to have achieved a lot and to look and feel so much better... and worse to know that these things will continue to get better still if I can stay on plan ... and then still not have the willpower to get it together over something as stupid as a biscuit (and I am having serious deja vu here as I am pretty sure I wrote almost those exact same words on another post) 

Note to Self: STOP BUYING BISCUITS!  it seems I have to as I can't seem to leave the bloody things in the cupboard :-(((

So, in order to provide a distraction I am setting myself a new challenge:
I already have ongoing distance swimming challenges via the ww boards and I plan to do my very best to meet (and even exceed) those each time I set a new one ... But, after seeing people swimming 5km on saturday I want to get there too...  So, from now on when I get to the pool I am going to try and do a little bit more each time - my ulimate aim is to be at a level next April, for swimathon 2011, where I can swim 5km without stopping (or at least close enough). At the moment the most I have swam in one session is 2km 925m (117 lengths) but this was with a lot of stops (albeit short ones).

I would be really be interested in how other people acknowledge their successes, or progress that they make?  I swam 2.5km, and I know that that is pretty damn good considering I couldn't manage 200m just 12 short weeks ago! and I am trying to give myself credit here but am finding that tough  ... I have real trouble accepting that when I have done something that it was good enough without thinking I should have done better still - case in point above where I really wish I had been able to swim the 5km instead and I feel a bit deflated about that despite the huge amount of progress that I know I made in order to do the 2.5km ...

I know that I really have to work on this or I am never going to be happy with what i achieve which in the end will hinder my progress to get where I want to be...

Monday, April 19, 2010

Trouser Trouble - But in a good (but expensive!) way...

I'm Happy Happy Happy Today ... I am also slightly deranged apparently but i'll get to that in a min!

Happy Reason #1 :  I put on a pair of trousers today that I bought only 9 weeks ago... then they fit at the waist and were a little tight on my legs so I put them away to go back to in a few weeks... But the news today is that I left them a bit too long..  they are now loose on my legs and there is 3 inches (yep count 'em! 3!!) of empty space between me and the waist band... they are too big to wear without a safety pin! I can pull them easily on and off without undoing the button, clip or zip! LMAO!!   I knew I had lost a decent amount of inches but I didnt realise what a really BIG difference that had made till now .. Its Fabulous! 

Happy Reason #2 : I have finished counting everything up, and it turns out that I made over the £400 mark for my swimathon sponsorship!  Not too shabby at all! :-)

Happy Reason #3 : I am fully back on track this week (not famous last words, I hope!). I knew that I was finding last week hard because I was stressed about the swimathon! but until I had it done I hadnt realised just how bad it was... I couldnt get on track with the munchies at all last week and now I am focused and back getting jiggy with it! ... gonna get that 10% and 2.5st off this Sunday.. mark my words! :-))))

and, bet you want to know about the deranged bit huh?    well try this for size...  I got my daughter up for school today, was really pleased with myself for being organised early and getting her out the door at 8.25am so that we could have a nice calm walk instead of the usual scramble...  then, got to the school and discovered that... em... they don't actually start back till tomorrow! *blush* 

ok, you can laugh now! xx

Sunday, April 18, 2010

Week 13 Weigh-in, Swimathon Success! and why I'm so annoyed about other people's attitudes!

Well, let's get the less good news out of the way first! (and I say less good, rather than bad because it's still better than I expected)  --- I got a STS this week - anything is better than a gain, right?  I have said that to lots of other people but know that they haven't really believed it, and normally neither do I, but this week I'll take it and run... after ending a terrible eating week at almost 30pts over (I lost the plot again on Friday night and had a major munch fest!) I can honestly say that I am just very happy not to have to report my first ever gain.. that would really have sucked!

And, so on to the GREAT news!!   I rocked the Swimathon!  I decided that swimming 100 lengths doing front crawl was just too easy - so I did the whole thing breast stroke! and completed it in 1h 32mins :-)))))

Of course, to have that good news be the only outcome of the day would be too simple for real life ... and so I want to tell you about something that made me feel good and bad at the same time.   The leisure centre where I did my swim is one that I hadn't ever been to before so I didn't know anyone there. When I arrived I was told to go and wait in the changing area with some of the other swimmers, and I have to say that they were all really friendly and supportive of me and of each other..  but i'm afraid I can't say the same for the staff!  It started with the receptionist who did a double take when I rolled up to the desk and told her I was there to take part in the event, followed by the assistant manager who came to fill us in on which lanes to use and where to sign in - I got various comments from her, including: "you do know it's 100 lengths don't you?", "You do know that do one will think badly of you if you can't finish it!" and the one that has to be my favourite, said as an aside to another staff member when she thought I couldnt hear, "Did you know that there wasnt any kind of check by the swimathon people on who could take part in this, i'm not sure some of this lot are going to be covered by our insurance because they dont look like they should have got off their sofas!"  WTF!!!!   To say I was angry didn't even begin to cover it!  and the fun wasn't over yet!  I was then introduced to the guy who was going to count my laps, and he looked at me like I was an alien and was actually openly hostile!! 

Now I get that there are a lot of overweight people out there who are (and will stay) that way because they dont get off their sofas! and I fully admit that I used to be at least a part paid up member of that club!  but there are also a lot like me who are trying so hard to improve themselves, lose the weight, get fitter and healthier and try and make the most of their lives!

I am a tough nut, but a lot of other people would have left that builidng in floods of tears having not done their swim and the fallout from that to their progress and self-esteem would have been catastrophic!  and that just makes me so bloody mad!!

Where the feeling good part comes in is this:   By the time we had all (17 swimmers) finished the first 25 lengths I was the only one to have not stopped for even a short break during that time! and I could actually see the attitudes starting to change, my lap counting guy sat and looked at me with his mouth open!  and the kick I got out of that will live with me for a long time ...  I honestly don't think it had ever occurred to him that Fat doesnt always equal unfit!  It was so damn funny!  After that I really enjoyed the rest of my swim, got real encouragement from the rest of the staff and walked out at the end happy to have done it.  I really hope they remember me the next time they are tempted to make a snap judgement about someone based solely on the way they look ...

But, i also know that effect will wear off quickly, thats the way the world works, and that fact is something that will always make me sad! ...

Friday, April 16, 2010

The Wind is back and we are out of the Doldrums! ...

... might have been all that cabbage I ate but we won't get into that ... :-))))))

I feel better today ..  I have been told by a few friends that this blah tired feeling and the need to eat/drink more and just not feeling with it is to do with the fact that I have lost almost 10% of my body weight..  which makes sence really, my body is starting to panic .. isnt it just a sod's law moment that you body actually fights you when you are trying to do something that is good for it! ...

As of yesterday I am eating fine again, and it looks like (with the extra ap's from the swimathon) I will end the week tomorrow only being down about 7pts - so i am still hopeful of getting a loss on Sunday morning ;-)

I am still really nervous about the swimathon tomorrow, but I feel more focused - It was pointed out to me by a friend last night that there will be people there doing the 1.5km distance and I am going to feel great that when they finish and get out of the pool I will just be getting into my stride and will be so glad I am doing more for such a great cause... 

I dont have any worries about swimming the distance - i have trained my butt off the last 3 months and I m more than ready ...  I think that for a minute there I regressed back to the "I'll do more when i'm thiner" mindset that used to hold me back before!  and I'm not going to let that suck me in again :-)) The difference now is that I get the fact that if you dont start moving and doing stuff then you dont get thiner!! Catch 22 anyone? lol

Hope everyone has a great weekend and gets in some exercise too! xx

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

the Blah week continues + Swimathon Nerves!...

I still feel iffy, still stressed and still not eating well  - not over points today but eating the wrong stuff again ... 

I ended last night over by 36pts!! OMG! so even with using my ap's this week I doubt i'll make the points balance by Saturday night :-(  If I had been able to get it together and save a few today I might have been in with a chance but i'm still more hungry than normal today and so have eaten all my daily points - only good news is that I haven't gone over for the day so haven't added to the points in the red. 

I think I should end the week somewhere in the region of being over by 10/12pts or so, which isn't that bad I guess :-)

At least my exercise is on track, I have clocked up a total of 3h 15m of swimming so far this week and 1 visit to the gym, I will be swimming again tomorrow and then on Saturday its Swimathon Day!! UGH!!

 I am getting really nervous about the Swimathon, not so much about doing it, as I know that doing the 100 lengths is well within what I can manage - its more just the fear of the unknown, about having people there watching me and counting and also my fear of messing up some other way and letting down all the people who have sponsored and supported me ...

I am also worried about the fact that after this week I don't have a definite goal to aim for and that that might mean I will drift a bit ... I do plan to set a new distance goal for my challenge on the ww fitness challenges board - but that isnt the same as if i mess up and get lazy on that one I am only accountable to myself and it doesnt affect anyone else ....  BUT, then maybe that's exactly what I need at this point, I need to know just how far I can motivate myself without the threat of not being able to do something in front of other people ... after all, that's the main reason for my choice to do ww online and not attend meetings... if I can't do the real world stuff now then i'll never be able to .. 

All in all i'll be glad to end this week and move onto a new one!

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Kit-Kat Coma! and personal bugbear!

Well I guess it had to happen sooner or later ... I feel lousy today, my hayfever is driving me nuts, I am grumpy and bloated from impending TOTM and hungry due to that as well...  my teenage daughter is driving me mad as she is bored being on holiday from College, the 6 year old is bored as well and being difficult..

and the net result is a shocking fall off the wagon for me in the form of having eaten SEVEN 2 finger kit-kats :-(((( and several mini chocolate brownies! 

I had these extra goodies in the house for the kids and I just knew that decision was going to come back and bite me in the butt! :-(( 

The damage is that I am now 19 points in the red on day 3.... not sure if i can claw that amount back in 4 days or not ..  guess I have a challenge on my hands!  well i can, but only by using a large amount of my ap's, and I really dont know what effect that will have.. This week I might just have to find out! --- well, no one said this was going to be easy!

While I am on the subject  of clawing points back, I have another thing that is bugging me today.  As always I have been reading other blogs and various forums to see how others deal with all this fun! .. and over the last few weeks I have seen more and more of the "draw a line" type posts and its bugs the hell out of me ...

Now don't get me wrong, for special occasions, illness, holidays and the like I am in favour of that idea, you cant let this take over your life completely in every week of the year and if you are out of your normal routine it can be impossible - when you don't have control over what your food choices are you do sometimes have to write it off and move on... but when I see people doing it week after week, and others telling them to,  it makes me see red! 

How can you possibly learn to adopt a new healthy lifestyle and better attitude to food if all you do is keep starting again each time you make a mistake without trying to understand and repair that mistake? To me, that seems about the same as setting out to walk to work and then turning round and starting all over again from home every time you have to take a side step due to someone getting in your way when what you should do is accept that you got held up a little and move forward at a speed that means you are able to make up at least some of the lost time... clumsy comparison I know, but you get the idea...

As far as I can see if you know you are just going to ignore going over your points for days, or even weeks at a time without any comeback then you haven't actually changed anything, all that means is that you then sometimes have a good week by mistake! There is no incentive at all to stay on track if you arent going to have to work harder to correct it if you do lose the path along the way.. 

Not sure I get that at all, and to be honest, i really wouldn't want to...

Monday, April 12, 2010

My Mission - Should I choose to accept it...

... and, I DO!!

is to lose the 2.5lbs this week that I need to get to my magic 10% loss :-))) I apparently need to lose 2.3lbs to get there LOL

I know that from then on the health benefits of losing weight will be that much larger for me and i'm looking forward to making the most of all! 

wish me luck!

Week 12 Weigh-in Results...Dingbat Moment and A Food breakthrough!

The results are in:  Week 12 WI = 4LBS OFF!!!!!!!!  Woohoo!!!!!

I did an early wi on Friday night this week as I was going out on Saturday night and didnt think I'd make it to the club to wi on Sunday morning. The result then was 2lbs down, which I was happy enough with..  but, I realised on Saturday that I had gone and stood on the scales with my coat still on!  ... not sure whether to blame all the pool water I am swallowing, or the jinx on my routine from the school holiday effect but I have had some serious "D'oh" moments this week.. but this one has to be the daftest! 

anyway, did get to the club to wi this morning and am very happy that I did! 

Today has also brought me a lightbulb moment on the food front ...  hubby bought a cheesecake tonight... and I pointed out that a quarter of it was 11pts... mmmmm... ok .... as I would have 6 days to fudge it till next wi I decided to go for it... but... after eating 2 bites I changed my mind and gave him half ... and then I only ate half of what I still had..  I have been reading on other blogs about getting to this point where you just eat a little bit of something and then don't get any further benefit from the taste so you quit eating - but I just wasn't buying it .... until now!!  blimey! its true :-) 

I am now actually looking forward to the next time someone offers me cake :-)))))))

Friday, April 09, 2010

Tonight Matthew, I'm going to be...Sneezing Selkie!

Well, I knew it was coming, had to be here soon, but I was hoping for a reprieve till the end of the School Easter Holidays ... but, guess i'm not that lucky,  My annual Hayfever curse is here.. I woke up this morning with a red, runny nose itchy eyes and a stinking headache :-(

Oh well, trip to the doc's tomorrow, a week of feeling like death till the meds kick in and then i'll be able to stick my tongue out at the pollen count and get on with my life.

Only consolation this year is I because I can't taste things properly I'll be less tempted to eat the bad stuff.  It sure ain't worth the points if you can't get the full experience *grin*

Apart from that my week is going well - after a rocky start I got back on track with my points yesterday and if I stick to my plan for the rest of today and tomorrow I will finish the week with 3 points to spare :-)  

 My exercise plan is going well too, I did my 35 mins of cardio at the gym on Monday (plus another 15 mins of weights), and even got an extra bit of swimming in that day due to the gym closing earlier than the pool (who decided that was a good plan Esporta?). I did a second 100 mins of swimming on Tuesday and then was in the pool again with the kids on Wednesday morning and did 30 mins of lane swimming then, and I am still heading out to do some more tonight,  if the extra doesnt show on the scales this Sunday I bet i'll have something to celebrate next weekend! 

In the meantime, can someone pass the tissues? ...

Thursday, April 08, 2010

Exercise in the USA! - Join the Challenge!

Anyone looking for a challenge to get them putting in a bit of extra movement for one day?  then look no further than Tony's 60 min Workout Challenge! ...  Tony is an amazing guy who has successfully lost over 200lbs and maintained it! ---  His Blog:  The Anti-Jared is well worth a read! 

He is asking as many people as possible to commit to doing 60 minutes of exercise on Tuesday, April 20th...

Anything Goes! . Running, Treadmill, Swimming, Cleaning, whatever....

If enough people commit to taking part then a great charity is going to get a lovely windfall : 
Full details on Tony's blog

Come on! you know you can do it! :-))

Damn that Food Network! & Can anyone recommend a good conditioner? ...

So, last night I was home alone and so decided to indulge in a little Porn.. emm FOOD PORN that is -- honest, it what the program was called LMAO!! It was a No Reservations Special with Anthony Bourdain in case you're interested ..

Now, I watch a lot of food programmes, always on the look out for inspiration.. but this particular one was a mistake on a night where I already had the munchies :-(  I watched most of it fine, but it got to a bit where they were making a proper grilled ham and cheese sandwich and I just had to have one - so I did - with full fat cheese as I didnt have any half-fat left!   the result you ask?   between that sandwich and the other bits I picked at last night I am now 10.5pts in the RED! :-(((  
With 3 days to go till WI I'm sure I can claw it back, but i just dont feel in control this week and its so annoying :-( 

In other news, I hate Chlorine!  Its destroying my hair :-((  has anyone else found a good shampoo/conditioner for this issue? if so please share?  The best one I have at the moment is the Elvive Re-Nutrition but even that isnt so great when i'm in the pool 2 days in a row ...

go on, post a comment, you know you want to ;-)

Tuesday, April 06, 2010

I blame Sesame Street!

How come 'Big' Bird was considered  an ok role mode?l, and what was up with that elephant snuffle -whatsit-thingy?? and don't even get me started on the rubbish eating psycho that lived in the bins!?!..  but my main complaint is they must have a housing shortage in that street because, today, the cookie monster seems to be living in my house!

I am feeling really annoyed with myself! With it being the school holidays I added a few extra goodies to the kids junk boxes this week, including bakery choc chip cookies from Sainsburys. Giving them out to the kids yesterday was fine, no thought about eating them at all, but today the smell grabbed me and I couldn't resist - I ate 4 of them, not so bad - but then I decided the kids had so much chocolate that they didnt really need them - so I ate the last 5 as well... having to guess a bit but I think about 12pts worth in total :-( 

Now, I have pointed them, and with what I have planned for dinner, I am still within my points for the day, so with the removal of a few snacks from my planner, the damage to my food intake is limited, but the damage done to my new feelings of control is deadly!  It really brought home to me just how fragile this new resolve of mine is and how close I still am to that tipping point that would return me to eating everything wrong and losing this new sence of wellbeing I have... and that scares the hell out of me!

I really have now idea why today this happened,  I'm not stressed, or bored, or actually any more hungry than normal - I had just eaten lunch! - About the only difference today is that I am starting to come down with a sniffy nose and as a result didnt sleep as well last night so I do feel a bit blah today, maybe its a sugar craving due to that...but I wouldnt have thought that could make such a difference so there really isnt anything I can pinpoint as a cause for sure, and that's scary too, it is going to be pretty hard to change this habit if I cant figure out what causes it in the first place :-((

Bottom line is it's done and time to move on, but its so bloody irritating to get through the chocolate stream of the easter weekend without touching the stuff, and then fall foul of something as pointless as biscuits! 

Maybe after not having any treats over Easter I am craving a bit of treating myself so with some saved points this week i'll give it a go -  wasting points on booze is an idea I could get behind! will test that theory at the weekend !  lol

Monday, April 05, 2010

Think I Cracked Easter!

Well,  the Easter Holiday long weekend is about to end and I have finished it with a ww recipe Lasagne and a 40 minute session at the gym! I really enjoyed both of these things!

Writing these words down is starting to make them seem real, but I still can't believe the difference in my life in just a few weeks.  At the end of last year I was in a serious blue phase, I was bored, stressed, unhappy about my weight and my health and really not sure where I was heading or how to make any of it better.
I spent christmas with my family in Scotland, and I really have no idea what happened in my head but after a few days of eating anything and everything I found myself absolutely disgusted about the way I was acting and the way I felt! By the time we got to my in-laws in Wales for new year I knew that something drastic had to happen and that I needed to make a change. In January we joined a health club as a family and none of us have looked back since :-)

I honestly thought easter would be tricky, I love chocolate, but I suddenly realised, in what felt like being hit by lightning! that the saying about nothing tasting as good as being thin feels is about the truest thing I have ever heard...

and It really does feel truely Fantastic!!

Sunday, April 04, 2010

Week 11 Weigh-in Result, Birthday Jewellery Motivation & My First 'After' Pics...

I GOT MY 2LBS LOSS!!!!!!!  GO ME :-))))))))))))

that's a total of 2st of awful stuff gone for good!! I am so proud of me right now, 2010 really is going to be my year and I'm going to make the most of every minute of it :-)))

Yesterday was my birthday- I'm 29 with 10 years experience LOL!). I got a load of non-food related goodies as requested (mainly didn't want any chocolate easter tie-in bits that would have made this week really hard) - including the fantastic bells and whistles coffee maker from my in-laws that I asked for and fabulous smellies from my mum that smell like they should be for eating! I also netted a fair amount of cash so that will be getting added to my Scuba fund :-)

I also got a great extra prezzie from my wonderful hubby in the form of a leather Pandora Bracelet and it's first two charms, for my first two 1st losses - a rose for him for England and a thistle for me for Scotland, this was the theme for our wedding colour scheme, stationery and flowers and means a lot to me).
And to make it extra special he got me the pink one that is a special edition from which 15% of the purchase price goes to fund Breakthrough Breast Cancer charity - fits in nicely with the Marie Curie Cancer Care & Cancer Research UK sports events that I am doing this year!

All in all I had a fantastic day (week even!) with great family and friends and really don't mind having got just a year away from the big 4-o, well not much anyway *grin*

... And now for those Photos ..  these were taken at 25lbs down, and so I am going to keep adding new ones at each 10lb off mark.. I have added two old ones of me at my heaviest weight and can see the difference so its nice to know I'm not just imagining that I look better and that I relly have lost a lot of inches!  *lol*   Let me know what you think?

The Before Pics   (24st 7lbs)

The First 'After' Pics  (Taken March 2010 @ 22st 10lbs)

Saturday, April 03, 2010

Swimming Plans and Potions...

A while back I discovered the great swimming programmes at the Swimfit site.  I was looking for a way to measure my progress in the pool at that points but I just never got round to using it.
This week I am going to start using these programmes as a way to maintain, and improve on, the fitness level I have in the pool now that I will just be going twice a week instead of 3 times.. 

I am going to start with the first programme in the fitness section which means swimming 2km as this is the level I am currently at..  I have added the programme details on my exercise page and will update as I move through the levels :-)

This week I also plan to start taking an isotonic drink to the pool. I have been advised by a swimming coach at my health club that I should be doing this as I swim for over an hour ... I didnt think I was working at a high enough intensity level to need anything but water, but guess I was wrong... now all I have to do is experiment with a few different ones and see what I like/what works for me :-)    failing that you can apparently mix fruit juice and water 50/50 for the same result.

Food wise I am doing well this week, going to have 4 spare points and 19 ap's left when I end this week tonight. However, I actually think I am going to get a sts at WI tomorrow, I have been doing a lot of juggling points from one day to another, have upped my exercise, and had a dicky belly for a few days so I think my poor body is confused and hanging on to the fat for safety *lol*

I really wanted to lose that last 2lb I need to get to 2st off this week, but even without that I consider this week to be a great success - I have eaten out twice, resisted the easter chocs and met my exercise goals without ever having felt out of control, stressed or deprived .. things are looking up! :-)

Friday, April 02, 2010

I Beat that Birthday Blow-out!

I'm feeling very proud of myself today, I am sitting here at 24 hours post the start of my birthday blast off night at La Tasca and I have still got 4 saved points squirrled away :-)))  The details are a little fuzzy, but suffice to say a great time was had by all! 

Getting my pool time in today (and also for the gym on Monday) is posing a bit of a challenge due to early closing at the club for the easter weekend, but I am still going to get an hour under my belt this evening and stay on track for the week... I can practically taste that 2lb loss that will get me to my 2 stone lost point and i'm hanging onto it with both hands LOL

Over the last few days I have been giving a lot of thought about where I want to be at in 6 months time, not just from a number on the scale point of view but also in terms of what new experiences I have been able to have and what progress I have made towards my longer-term health and fitness goals. I think that I need to set myself a couple of longer term challenges that can be adjusted to suit as I progress and will be interesting enough to keep me focused.  I already have one in place in the form of a 12 month challenge I set myself last month to swim the distance of the widest part of the Red Sea (350km). This one means a lot to me as the Red Sea is the first place I want to go Scuba diving so this challenge feels like a real step on the way to that goal :-)  To go with that I think I need a longer challenge to work towards in the gym and maybe also one that involves somethng more real world that I can work on as a change to formal working out at the club - this would be great for over the summer when I won't want to be inside so much.

Will need to have a think about these, any suggestions would be very welcome :-)

Happy Easter!  xx

Exercise Goals ~ New Page

I have added a new page to keep track of my swimming and gym challenges :  Click here to have a look!

I will update as I go.. wish me luck! :-)

Thursday, April 01, 2010

10 for 10 Challenge @ the Gym

I now consider it to be officially spring so April seems like a great time to kick off a new challenge for myself, (and to complete an old one :-)

My Spring Swim Challenge from the ww boards is pretty much half way through and I want to complete the other half this month - I have 14km, 425m to go - check out the ticker at the bottom of the page to see how i'm doing! I plan to go to the pool twice each week this month and so knocking off the 2.5km i will cover in the swimathon that means I have to do a minimum of 1325m at each of the other 9 visits - as I normally swim more than that I should be able to polish this one off even if I have to miss any :-)
I guess i'll need to start thinking about another distance challenge to start next month!

As for my new Challenge, that is pretty simple - I want to get to the gym a minimum of 10 times this month, and do at least 10 mins on each of the 3 cardio machines that I currently use (cross-trainer/bike/ treadmill).

I would also like to start adding the rowing machines for at least 5 mins, for some reason I find this one a struggle due to it hurting my back, and I find it really boring so its tough to make the effort, but when I have used it I could feel my core muscles doing their thing so I would like to get to grips with this machine.

I'm going to add another ticker for this so that I can track my progress ... If I manage to do this then May's challenge will be 15 for 15 at the gym, so that my normal routine will then be 2 gym days and 1 at the pool...

Happy April Fools Day everyone, hope you don't get too caught out! xx