Yesterday was a bad day (again!). I just can't seem to get focused at the moment .. I had a good day on Tuesday and really thought i'd be able to mostly turn this week around, but yesterday I was back eating the wrong things (and too much of them) and saying that I dont care! except, as you know too, I do care, we all do, otherwise we wouldnt be on this journey, and certainly wouldnt be spending our evenings writing and/or reading this stuff ...
I'm not even really sure why I am struggling so much, but I think a fair amount of it is due to getting bored, I am bored with eating the healthly stuff, bored with working out points taking so much of my time, bored with always having to think before I eat anything, and yes, even bored with going swimming .. I have landed in a rut and i'm not really sure how to get out of it ...
In my head I am still happy with the way I now look different (hell I spend a silly amounts of minutes in each day admiring my now thiner ankles and calves, and love going to bed at night, lying on my side and actually being able to feel the outline of my hip bones ... I have come a long way with changing my shape, and I love the new one .. and I know that losing 33lbs so far is not to be sneezed at... but, somehow I cant seem to get that to translate into motivation that I can use to stay on track with my food ... and I am going to be on really shaky ground if getting enough exercise starts to be as much of a struggle!
I am trying to look at the gains I have made and hope that writing them down will remind me tomorrow why I need to get back on track and improve further :
Over the last week, for the first time ever, I have actually looked forward to taking my daughter to school and walking up those hills - 3 months ago I couldnt walk even half of one way without stopping at least twice and by the time I had reached the top of the uphill bits I was gasping for breath, sweating hugely and even coughing and retching - it really was that bad! and I am talking here about a walk that without stopping only takes about 12 minutes total there and back! I used to get inside my house and have to sit gasping like a fish out of water for about 3 minutes before I even had enough air to take a drink, it was truely horrific! --- now, I can walk the whole way there and back without getting out of breath, without breaking a sweat and I really love the feeling of using my leg muscles on the up bits, the feeling of being stronger is amazing and I get home feeling awake and invigorated, instead of stressed and on the verge of collapse. I am terrified about ever getting like that again, but I still cant seem to stop myself eating... I am so stressed by this at the moment and so unsure about what happens next! :-((((
In 12 weeks I went from being able to swim just 200m (with at least a 30 second break after each 25m length!) to swimming over 2km at least 3 times a week (doing sets of about 800m-900m without a rest break of more than 10/15 seconds) ... That is huge in any reality, and even bigger in mine! But as I said I'm getting bored, and as much as I hate to have to consider this I think I am going to have to finally start spending more time in the gym and set myself some new challenges around that.
Even on bad days my attitude towards food is vastly improved .. I give a lot more thought to whether something is worth the points before I decide to eat it. I also finally worked out that I dont need to finish eating a whole bit of something like cake or chocolate , all I really want is a couple of bites to get the taste and then I can take it or leave it.. this one was a real eye-opener for me and has helped a lot ..
anyway, I am going to end this post here and hope for a better day today! .. wish me luck! x